When a child goes off to college, she’s not the only one making big transitions. As you’ve probably already encountered, the brothers and sisters left at home have challenges of their own. The house is suddenly unbalanced. Something has shifted, and emotions run high for a while. Just what’s going on with those younger sibs?

On the one hand, they may be feeling this:

  • A hole in the house—less companionship, less noise, fewer games and concerts to attend, and fewer people visiting the house, since losing the older sib means losing all his drop-in buddies too.
  • Pressure—to step up and fill some big shoes, maybe to be the next “success story” in the family. You may never have put an ounce of pressure on your children. You may have told all of them repeatedly that you’re proud of them for who they are. But they may still feel this sudden burden to do great things.
  • A little suffocated—as they are now the focus of more undivided parental scrutiny and more family demands.

On the positive side, they may also feel this:

  • More cared for—simply because you have more time for them.
  • More physical space—with more room in the house, more access to the car, and more TV and computer time.
  • More emotional space—with more room to grow and blossom, to develop a busier social life, and to take on more leadership roles.
  • More time and stronger bonds with younger sibs.

If your children at home are still battling some strong emotions, what can you do to help?

  • Schedule Skype or FaceTime calls. Sibs who are quite a bit younger will appreciate knowing that they’ll get to see and talk to their college sister every Wednesday night around suppertime, for instance.
  • Put a campus visit on the calendar. They probably saw their older brother or sister over Thanksgiving, and they’ll see them again at Christmas, but the winter months after that can be long. Plan to come to campus, maybe during Winter Carnival to give younger children something to look forward to.
  • Continue to schedule family events for all those left at home. Going to hockey matches or movies together will reassure them that the family can still have lots of fun together.
  • Have realistic expectations for times when the older sib comes home—like this Christmas. Yes, the younger sibs will be excited to see the older one, but they may resent sharing the spotlight with him again. Meanwhile, the college student will be surprised that things at home have shifted a bit and his place in the family now has a slightly different shape. Finally, while the family is thinking the vacation will be one big family hug, the college student has actually scheduled much of the time with his friends. Schedule a couple special family events and let it go at that. One more thing: Ask your college student whether she’s willing to take the younger ones out for ice cream some night without Mom and Dad tagging along. That hour could make a long-lasting and meaningful memory for the younger sibling.

As you know, sending a teen off to college is a new leg in the family journey, so the road can be unfamiliar and a little rocky. But these difficulties pass, and the family soon finds itself at a new place—different, yes, but stronger and far more interesting.