Helicopter parents are moms and dads who hover too closely over their children. They love their kids, and they want to help and protect them, but inadvertently they go overboard. They take over. They’re afraid to let their children step up, make their own decisions, and take responsibility for their own mistakes.

This is parental love, certainly, but love that may stunt growth, prevent maturity, hinder independence, and actually make young people’s lives more difficult in the long run.

It’s a common mistake, especially when those parents may be footing some or most of the college bill and when regular texting keeps parents up-to-the-minute with their students’ daily challenges.

But it’s also possible to go too far with the hands-off approach. On September 17, 2015, Time magazine published “Why Colleges Need Helicopter Parents,” which reported that some parents are not stepping in when they should, leaving their students flailing in the middle of serious difficulties.

So how do you know if you’re walking the line in a balanced way? What are some signs of over-protective helicoptering? When should you step in and when should you step back? Here are a few guidelines.

You might be a helicopter parent if you . . .

  • call your student’s prof about a grade,
  • call the Records office to request a schedule change,
  • make a special trip to watch athletic team practices,
  • call the cafeteria to complain about the food,
  • go on your student’s immersion trip or European study tour with her,
  • call your student to wake him up for class,
  • interfere with roommate difficulties, or
  • do your student’s homework.

(Actually, if you do your student’s homework, you may have graduated from generic helicopter parent to “Black Hawk.”)

But not every form of assistance is helicoptering. Your kids sometimes need you.

Please DO step in if your student is struggling with . . .

  • serious physical illness. (In fact, we recommend they go home to recuperate!)
  • depression, anxiety, or other emotional difficulties.
  • substance abuse.
  • other addictive behaviors.
  • serious financial trouble.
This generation’s students are closer to their parents than many students of years past. That’s one reason we send out this newsletter (a newsletter we probably couldn’t imagine being sent to our parents when we were in college). The closeness you and your students share is a great blessing. The love, encouragement, assistance, and advice you give your children—children on loan to you from God—are also great blessings.
So it’s entirely up to you to decide when your involvement is hindering independence and when it’s nurturing maturity, when it’s destructive and when it’s constructive—and even necessary. May God help all of us with that!