It’ll be great to have everyone home again, right? Yes, it will – if you have realistic expectations.

  1. Don’t be surprised if they don’t spend a lot of time with you. They may want to see high school friends. They may want to reconnect (and readjust the terms) with an old girlfriend or boyfriend.
  2. Don’t be surprised if they’re a little moody. They’re busy with papers and projects. They’ve made a long trip. They’re re-acclimating to their home turf and discovering how they fit in there: what’s the same and what’s different from last summer. And, yes, they’re sinners.
  3. Don’t be surprised if they sleep a lot. In fact, they may even get sick. After the adrenaline surge that got them through midterms, they may crash and surrender to the flu now that they’re home.
  4. Don’t be surprised if they buck a little when you make requests of them. “Could you empty the dishwasher?” or “When will you be home?” might earn a response like “Mom, how can you still treat me like a kid?” Don’t be afraid, however, to let them know what you expect: “I realize you’re a college student now, and things are not the same as they were. But while you’re home, I hope that you’ll contribute to the household chores a little, and I hope you’ll be thoughtful enough to let us know where you’re going and when you’ll be home.”
  5. Don’t be surprised if they squabble a bit with younger siblings who’ve adjusted to their older sibling being at school. Now that the younger ones have to share the spotlight again, they may act up or get territorial.
  6. Don’t be surprised if they don’t need you as much. This is the goal anyway, isn’t it? You really don’t want them asking for gas money when they’re 30, so see their blossoming independence as a blessing, not a threat.
  7. Don’t be surprised if they don’t look exactly the same. In their first months away from home, they may have changed their style of dress, hair, or makeup. Unless they’re doing something against the family’s rules, change is okay. (They may also have put on the freshman 10, but there’s no need for you to mention that. They already know.) What they need from you is acceptance for who they are—inside and out.
  8. Don’t be surprised if your last day together is one wild ride on the mood machine. You may feel let down with how the visit went . . . or hurt at how little time they spent with the family. . . . You may be disappointed with their attitude . . . and yet sad about saying goodbye. . . . Maybe you wish it was their first day home again so that you could do things differently. . . . or maybe you’re good and ready for them to get back to school! All those feelings are human and normal. It’s okay.

Your relationship is different now, no doubt about it. The changes that may unsettle you are also unsettling your students. The best way to smooth the rough spots is simple conversation. Ask about their friends, their professors, their daily schedule. (“If you were at school, what would you be doing right now?”) Express your pride in their successes and listen with an open heart to their failures. Tell them you love them.

And some late night in the dim kitchen . . . after they’ve come back home from a party with their old friends . . . while you’re leaning against the counters talking about life . . . step back from the scene and see your students as the wonderful human beings they are. Enjoy them as individuals who are slowly growing into themselves and stepping into a future God has planned for them.